Dia Mirza reveals how her stepdaughter Samaira saved her contact: ‘Not the mean stepmom yet…’

On Mother’s Day, new mum Dia Mirza spoke to indianexpress.com about how she coped with being separated from her son Avyaan Azaad right after he was born due to his medical condition. She also talked about having a marriage of equals with her husband Vaibhav and the rules they follow in raising their children.

Dia also talked about embracing motherhood, not just with her son Avyaan but also with her. daughter-in-law Samairawho recorded her name on her phone as “not the mean stepmother yet”.

Excerpts from the interview:

Q} When your son was born, it was not really easy, with his health concerns…

He’s a little warrior. He has been through so much but he is filled with so much love and grace and I learn so much from this child everyday. I am just filled with immense gratitude that he is healthy and safe and all is well. I think challenges like these set us up to handle life better and I’m just glad it’s behind us and he’s fine and we’re all fine I don’t sleep a night before saying thank you to everyone and just being so grateful to have him and that he’s okay.

Q) As a working mother, how hard is it to leave your child behind when you go to work?

He is never left alone, whether it is me or my husband or my mother with him. I continue the video calls and I see through the camera what he is doing, if he has been fed. And my husband very kindly sends me videos. Right now I haven’t really left him for long periods of time, I’ve left him for short periods of time and I don’t know how it’s going to be when I’m away from him longer, when I’m out for 25 days in a row, I guess I’ll find out.

Q) When you embraced motherhood, you not only brought Avyaan into your life, but also Samaira, your daughter-in-law. Were there any initial hiccups?

It was seamless. I have always been extremely maternal. I was kindergarten with my friends, with my colleagues, with the children of friends and I was exactly like that with Samaira too. But with her, I feel like I have and continue to let her take the lead in our relationship, and I follow her. What I mean when I say that is that I’m always there for her, she knows it. I always say we are friends first and anytime she needs me as a parent, that’s what my pediatrician told me, a child will always do what they want. And, of course, it helps when you can be gentle and be open and be patient, any relationship takes time and the kids are amazing, they have an incredible ability to accept, to love and to give. And in my case, I’m very lucky to have become the parent of such an open, receptive and wonderful child. Don’t try to be someone else for the child, just be yourself and the child will appreciate that. Any human being would do it. I also help if your children don’t read fairy tales because the concept of a mean stepfather or a mean stepmother, all of these concepts come from those stories and luckily I never read them and I make sure my kids don’t either. And, oddly enough, Samaira recorded my number as “not the mean stepmom yet.”

Q) Are there any rules you have set for raising your children?

When you are raising children in this extremely consumerist world, it is very important to have rules. The first rule we have is that no plastic will be allowed, no plastic toys, even if it’s the best toy in the world, but if it’s plastic, then it’s not allowed. Fortunately, everyone follows this rule around me.

Second, we don’t talk about money in front of the kids. We talk about it as something you earn with value and respect, but there should never be a conversation about how you spend it, because I don’t think kids are equipped to really understand at how hard it is to make money and therefore they don’t understand some of the choices you can make.

The third thing is to never disagree in front of our children about anything. So if we have a disagreement on something, we do it privately. In the moment, if the children are present in front of us, we allow the initiating partner to take the initiative and later, in private, we discuss what we disagreed on.

Q) What is your parenting philosophy? Do you have a plan for how you want to raise your children?

With me it was the case, my parents followed the words of Khalil Gibran. “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s desire for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, they do not belong to you. My parents have always treated me as an individual and I hope to be able to ensure that we raise our children with a sense of safety and security and raise them to be independent, thinking and sensitive individuals.

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